ch-ch-ch-chia

I don’t know about you, but my favorite “As Seen on TV” has always been the Chia Head.  What has two thumbs and hilarious hair?  This guy:

So the other day, when I learned that the seeds used to sprout his lustrous locks are like the super hot new superfood…dying.Dead.MINDBLOWN.

Chia seeds are my new jam.

Apparently a staple in the ancient Aztec civilization, chia (“salvia hispanica” for all you sexy scientists out there) is a flowering plant native to Mexico and Guatamala, and its seeds are tiny little nutritional badasses that are packed with:

  • Fill-you-up fiber
  • Heart-healthy Omega 3s
  • Osteoporosis-preventing calcium
  • Muscle-building protein
  • Belly fat-fighting blood sugar stabilizers

AND they’re super low in calories.  Sold.

So wtf do you do with these little bad boys?  Whatever tf you want.  Really.

When combined with liquid, they become gelatinous, kind of like teensy bubble tea boba, so they don’t need to be ground up for digestion, unlike flax seeds.  They’re also essentially tasteless, so you can pretty much throw them in an-y-thing.  I’ve put them in Greek yogurt, salads, cottage cheese, the Green Monster, oatmeal…the list goes on.  And on.  Don’t judge me, but I also actually put a pinch in my waterbottle every time I fill it up.  It’s like a gooey surprise when they come up through my straw.  Disgusting?  Maybe, but I’ll be laughing all the way to the skinny bank.

xx,

bridezilla

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omg shoes

GUYS.  I’ve been OBsessed with the St. Laurent Jane sandals for.like.ever.

They’re kinda plain Jane, as far as my typical footwear goes, but I think they’re seriously SUHsexy.  This morning, I happened to be browsing celebrity footwear (what else is new?) and stumbled upon these Sophia Websters:

omg.  dying.  Dead.  GONE TO SHOE HEAVEN.

xx,

bridezilla

be my bridesmaid?

Being a bridesmaid can be great.  But, being totally candid here,  it can also really suck.  These times include but are in no way limited to:

  • The bride chooses $800 dresses and $1200 Manolos to match…there goes your rent.
  • The bachelorette party is in Vegas in June, the shower is in New York in July, and the wedding is in California in August…a half-packed suitcase becomes a perma-fixture in your bedroom.
  • The bridal shop is halfway across the country, so they order your bridesmaid dress a few sizes too big “just in case”…even alterations can’t keep it from giving you the illusion of a baby bump , so you become the champagne-guzzling, pregnant bridesmaid.
  • Your dress arrives in the mail, and it’s six sizes too small…goodbye pasta, hello water and celery.

You get the picture.  Because it can be such a time-consuming / expensive / unflattering / demanding / whatever experience, I wanted to  do something a little more special than a “yo biatch – be mah maid!” phone call for my prospective bridesmaids.  I wanted them to know how much I value their friendship and how much I appreciate them standing by my side on the most important day of my life.

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For each girl, I took a black photo storage box, lined the lid with fancy paper, and spelled out “Be My Bridesmaid” in sticker letters.  I filled the box with a mini bottle of rosé Pop champs, a champagne glass with their initial (bedazzled, obvi), black tissue paper, essential wedding deets on shimmery paper, and a crapton of colorful confetti.  I topped off the lid with some wedding-themed stickers and tied it up with a pink ribbon.  Obsessed.

Essential deets:

  • Your Responsibilities – First and foremost, tell her why you want her to be your bridesmaid.  Secondly, include any required duties.  If you expect her to be at the bachelorette party and the shower(s), tell her that.  If attending these events is not required, feel free to tell her that too.  No one likes a Bridezilla.
  • The Dreaded Dresses – A loose description of what their dresses will look like.  If you already have the dress choices nailed down, include the brand, style, and how to go about ordering.  Also, pictures are worth a thousand words!
  • The Wedding Party – A who’s who of the bridal party.  This will answer all “who are the other bridesmaids” questions and can also be used to identify any cute, single groomsmen!
  • The Big Day – Probably the most important piece of information…the where and the when!  Doesn’t need to be super detailed…more of a “you need to be in x city on xyz date so mark your calendar and book your flight!”

This project was somewhat time-consuming and, after supplies, champs, and shipping, a little pricey, but I’m really happy with how it turned out, and all my girls absolutely loved it!

Happy crafting!

xx,

bridezilla

viva la grunge!

If you’re a city-dweller like myself, chances are you spend a LOT of time outside traipsing through the cold and snow…to the el, chasing down cabs, whatever your daily routine entails.  We’ve all been that girl in a mini-skirt and ruined Louboutins sprawled out in a slush puddle.  Oh wait…that’s just me?  Well, that happened, and I have residual nerve damage in my left foot to show for it.  As my fiance put it a couple weeks ago – DFTWD.  Dress for the weather, dipshit.  I mean, I want to wear feathered skirts and suede Prada pumps all year too, but really, DFTWD.  Just ask the girl with the weird, tingly perma-bump on her foot.

So.  Saturday night.  My boo thang (he would kill me if he knew I called him that…heheheeee) and I had dinner plans at this little French place in Old Town called Bistrot Margot.  (Super cute, romantic, delicious, so perf for date night.  Do yourself a fav and make a rezzie.  Like…yesterday.)  It was snowing.  AGAIN.  As I descended into the depths of my closet to dress myself, he gave me “the look”…the DFTWD look of death.  UGH.  FINE.

I was left with three footwear choices.  UGGs…hello, not waterproof (contrary to popular belief).  Sorel snow boots…um yeah thanks but no thanks, clodhoppers.  Patent pewter Dr. Marten combat boots…winner winner chicken dinner!

I was running late (what else is new?), so I threw the rest of my outfit together in a jif…black mini dress, black tights (keep it simple, stupid), an assortment of sparkly JCrew necklaces, and for good grungy measure, a flannel shirt tied around my waist.  Voila.  Zomg.  Luvz it.  And so began my newfound love affair with 90’s style grunge.

Sorry for the less than stellar picture…getting a real camera soon.  Promise.

Two golden rules for goin’ grunge:

  1. Wash (and brush) yo’ hair.  Modern grunge is edgy but clean.  Leave the KStew hair behind.  So not cute.
  2. Glam it up…baubles, a fun clutch, a hot pink lippy, go crazy.  Shoot for “put together with just a touch of badass”, not “IDGAF”.  Because “IDGAF” will leave you looking like Tai from Clueless.  Pre-makeover.

As if.

xx,

bridezilla

 

the green monster.

Sup, lovahs?

Dunno bout you, but I’m SUHglad it’s effing Friday.  I’m seriously so ready for a glass Big Joe of chardonnay.  BUT FIRST.  Before you go stuffing your bod full of sugar (wine=sugar, genius) and then greasy hangover food (not that i’m condoning this…just being a realist), do something good for yourself!

Leafy greens (spinach, kale, arugula, collards, swiss chard, etc) are for realz badass.  I’m not gonna bore you with the health benefits, but if you’re really that interested, you can read about them herehere, and here.  They give so much bang for their caloric buck that your bod basically pays you to eat them.  Rad, right?

I know what you’re probably thinking…more salads?!  Gag me.  A sistah can only eat so many bland bowls of veggies before her tastebuds will run for the border.  Or the nearest Taco Bell.

Solution:  Drink yo’ greens!  One option is a sexy little dimepiece I came up with a few weeks ago.  Like the Hulk, this bad boy is a kale-colored powerhouse.

THE GREEN MONSTER

Ingredients:

  • 2 monster (pun very much intended, thankyouverymuch) handfuls of leafy greens
  • 3/4 scoop vanilla protein powder*
  • 1/4 cup almond milk
  • 1 pinch flaxseeds or chia seeds
  • Water to desired consistency

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Throw it all in a NutriBullet, Vitamix, plain ol’ blender, whatever and blend until smooth!  And then blend a little more…nobody likes Popeye sized chunks of leaf in their drank.

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The color is a bit daunting, but the protein powder has enough sweetness to cut through the bitterness of greens.  DUH-lish.  Super pinky promise!

xx,

bridezilla

*I recently stumbled upon some really nasty info about soy protein isolate.  Once I deplete my generic Target purchased protein powder, I’m going vegan.  Just for protein powder though, obvi.  I’ve heard good, non-cancer causing things about this and this.

day makers

Shelloooo and Happy Thursday!  SUHglad it’s almost the weekend.  I’m really trying to get back into the post holiday/post worktrip/post Chiberia swing of things, but let me tell you, the going this week has been uphill both ways.  Work took a massive dump on my head, and quite frankly, I’m just not that kinda gal.  That’s some R.Kelly shiz right there.

I was planning on a post about excuses and holding yourself accountable but quite frankly, “ain’t nobody got time for dat” today (how’s that for an excuse?!), so I’ll save that riveting material for the future.

This week’s horrible client decided to use my face as a toilet AGAIN this morning (omg that’s enough already, R.Kelly), but three separate times since then, my day has been made!  It’s about time, life!

  1. Billy Joel is coming back to Wrigley this summer!  If you’ve never seen Billy Joel live or never seen a concert at the Wrig, DO IT.  I super pinky promise you won’t regret it.
  2. An email from my fiance containing this:  http://living.msn.com/family-parenting/pets/which-of-these-puppy-bowl-contestants-will-make-your-fantasy-team.  He’s kiiiinda the best.THAT FACE.
  3. Jake the Snake texted me that the gym just got punching bags in (perf timing, I swear), and he saved 5-6 tonight to beat the f outta them with me!  Woop!  Better stress relief than pretty much anything.  Even this.

I hope all of your weeks have been progressing far better than mine.  The light(s) at the end of the tunnel?  Tomorrow is Friday, and Saturday I’m finally getting these nastoid roots of mine fixed!

On deck for Health and Fitness Friday – the Green Monster smoothie!  Get excited.

xx,

bridezilla